So, I’m SAD..

It seems as if all the birds chirping around in the sky have gone silent as I sit by the blowing winds of this falling spring. The scrunching sound of the dry leaves, seems so very silent as the grave as it's presence is outcasted by the noise of the mind. It is colourless; the world..no hues around. IT's black and dark. There is surely an absence of light, indeed in every aspect of my life.

The overwhelming noise of this 'Never heard before silence' profounds the barren valley of my mind and cements the the predicaments in my mind which in turn add to the state of dilemma that makes me stand amid 'happiness and despair' & 'repentance and ___???'

I sit, I stand..and sit again.

I tuck my hands in my pocket and the next moment I draw them out.

My hands getting drenched with sweat, the same state do my eyes wish to be in.

They don't want tears. No more. But they are red, tired and invisibly swollen. I have vanished and defied to myself, the visibility of the pain that they carry along with them. Even when I am sleeping- restlessly and merely namesake !!

I am sad. I cry, I crave for THe UNKNOWN. THE UNJUSTIFIED.

It is just the 'ME' who knows it all.

Am I not the best one to myself ?

Not so close even that I can open myself up in my own mirror of introspection, acceptance and rejection to my inner self ?

They say we are there. I counter ask "Are you ?"

They are silent in return. Their silence enlightens the truth.

It's not that I have no one. I do. I do have..

But no one. No one so close as they have an another option. No better than me, yet more important, inclined to and reliable.

Am I fake ?

I'm surely not. So many times it has happened to me. Uncountable times I've been through it. I have endured this for so long. And each time I did let myself entangled in the puddle of dillemata, I bounced back with a spirit that came from nowhere but from my hidden perceptions and that single will to be HEARD.

I re-search for a single soul from a heap of a zillion people around.

Coming back to what i was talking of,

I STILL REMEBER.

I said..I'm sad.

A million reasons to cry. Unsaid. Untold. Unexpressible. But not even a single spirit to enshoulder me and encover me in the blanket of trust, reliability, and an everlasting promise to stay by my side forever.

Therefore, I do cry. All alone. Lonesome.

Hopelessly. My hands shrinked up. My jaws dropped down. I can't look up, not straight even. This light belongs to reality and it burns my eyes.

Hold on..!!



I am not 'All-emptied'.

I do have something. Like you. Still, unlike you. Unlike anything in the world.

I have that power. The power of TRUST-BELEIF and the everlasting zeal of welcoming the life and the little entities it has got for me in the treasure that still seems partially open and diminishing.

I don't know what's new in it waiting for me.

It may be the same as I've been through in the past. Or a new light. A new hope.

Just for the sake that when I cross this 'COURSE OF LIFE' and reach that fine line of closing my eyes forever and ever, I don't regret the time I spent with the people I met in my life.

I still remember the golden words i read somewhere,

"There will surely be a time when just before closing our eyes, our life will flash across them. We have to make sure it's worth watching."